How to Fake Being an Extrovert...A guide for Introverts

After many public speaking events, and crowded rooms, and wedding toasts, most introverts will already be cringing at the thought. But when they started coming to me for advice about how I managed to captivate a room and make the father-of-the-bride cry, I was shocked!

Turns out, I have quite the gift, and what kind of hostess would I be if I didn't share my knowledge with my friends?

INTJ

It's the result of a psychology personality test. What does it mean to you? Well, I can tell you that the "I" stands for introvert. 

This combination of personality traits means that I have the ability to read other people, mimic their mannerisms, and pose as an extrovert better than Steve Irwin could in the everglades.

Perhaps it is because of my background in psychology? Who knows. But aside from the test labeling me as both Sherlock and Moriarty, my powers can be used for either good or evil.

I choose good.

First things first, go to this page and take your own psychology test so we can see what we're dealing with:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/personality

So you got 100% Introvert, now what?

That's alright, some of my fondest friends are incapacitatingly introverted. We work with what we've got. Own it. 

The good news is, you have other strengths to help see you through your... *ahem....gift. 

You are probably good at sitting back and getting a read on people, but you're not sure if you can trust them or not....You need an ice breaker...the silence is deafening....etc., etc. 

Remember, people love to talk about themselves, so questions are an introverts best friend. Here are some simple small talk questions you can use to break the ice without sounding like your mother asking you how school was:

1. What do you like to do for fun around here?

Ahh, the most perfect way you can find out about the most important part of a person's life, whilst simultaneously, casually inviting yourself to the next "fun."

An extrovert will usually answer with; "I'm really big into hiking, you should come next time we head up to Bullshit Mountain!" In which case, you will take the bait. (Yes, even if the thought of hiking makes you want to speak at a convention) You never know, you might meet more introverts like yourself on the excursion to "Bullshit Mountain."

An Introvert will answer with; "I don't know....I guess I've been really busy lately with A, B, and C and curling up like a potato bug...." and ALAS! You have found another introvert!

2. Where did you grow up?

Yes, it sounds trivial, but as an introvert, you will enjoy watching the way their eyes light up when they talk about their "hometown." 

Now's your chance, time to process....think climate, landscape, quirky natives....what can you draw on? 

"Oh you grew up in Minnesota? I grew up in sunny California but I saw snow once and......" 

This. is. your. in.

Even if your lovable, introvert mind has nothing to draw on, that's OK! Laugh about the differences, and at the very least this person has grown an attachment to you while reminiscing about "the good old days."

3. How do you know so-and-so?

The old "so-and-so," we all have one, how else did an introvert like you find your way to this crowded party when there was a perfectly good book and a glass of wine waiting for you at home?

We all have that extroverted friend who leads you outside your comfort zone. (Most days) and the truth is that they need you as much as you need them. But what do you do when after five minutes in your version of hell, "so-and-so" runs off to be their bubbly extroverted self?

Can you follow them around? Perhaps for a few voyages across a crowded room, but then what? As soon as S.A.S. runs off for the second time, your stuck with "I-forgot-their-name" and now there's an awkward silence. Now is the time for that magic question. 

It's a pretty big gamble, but either the person is an introvert like you who got dragged into this party. (Which in that case snuggle up with your glass of wine until 3am for the most epic heart-to-heart of your life!) 

Otherwise, they have some amazing backstory, about how they met S.A.S. and you can find other questions to go from there. But backstory, like most readers know, is the most intimate part of the story, if you get some backstory; you have earned the confidence of not only I.F.T.N. but you also have a sneak peak into who S.A.S. is as a person.

3. Public Speaking

Ahh, yes the Introvert's equivalent to taking the one ring to Mordor. Breathe, Birdie is here to be your Sam. 

When it comes to public speaking, I too get sick to my stomach and break out in hives, but despite what I am feeling on the inside, I have a few tips to help you look like a true extrovert on the outside. 

1. Rehearse, Rehearse, Rehearse

You know that cute RomCom you watched as a kid? The one where the person is about to give a speech, and the best friend says, "Speak from the heart." Then, in a triumphant moment, the protagonist crumples up their paper/notecard and gives an epic dialogue? 

Yeah, introverts can't do that shit. I'm sorry to tell you, that you will never be able to improv a wedding toast, or lead a team to victory.  But what you can do is far better, speaking from the heart only works well in Hollywood. The greatest speeches in history were rehearsed over and over like a mantra. 

Have you ever seen "The King's Speech?" That's more of the movie for you.

2. Say What Your Feeling

This may sound juvenile, but it is more for your benefit than them.

When you walk into an interview, or get up to speak at a meeting, repeat after me; "I'M NERVOUS." Touch your forehead or shuffle your papers while you do so.

Not only will this help you release whatever pent up anxiety you have about speaking, but it humanizes you. If you are in a crowd, they will sympathize with you because they have all been there, they all know what it is like when they have spoken in public. (Yes, even the extroverts)

If you are in an interview, the interviewer will say, "Aww, don't be nervous."  Not only will they let their guard down, but it will show them that you take the job/contract/proposal seriously.

I implore you, this is the BEST way to break the ice when public speaking. 

3. Forget Picturing People Naked, This is What You Should Do.

The Age-old trick, picture your audience naked. And that's exactly what it is.....old.

When I know I'm about to speak in public or meet someone of great importance, (whether it be an in-law or Obama himself) I simply start with one exercise:

I picture the worst possible way the encounter can go.

Think of the most cringe-worthy, horrific, blindingly-awful thing you could do to ruin the situation before you enter. HAVE FUN! There is noting too messed up, or off limits!

The idea is that you become more inhibited, and as long as you don't do the thing you pictured, it goes down as a win!

When I met the owner of the Atlanta Falcons, I remember him walking towards me and thinking: what if he reaches out for my hand and I  just throw up all over him?

As much as I am sure Arthur Blank would not appreciate me vomiting on his beautiful suit, I am sure that he did appreciate me staying calm and composed, and BONUS: I didn't lay awake that night wondering what I could have done differently!

Sincerely, An Introvert

P.S. Good Luck to my fellow Introverts! I look forward to hearing some feedback from you! I hope to test more theories and write a follow-up article with more ideas!